CUPERTINO, CA—In a long-anticipated keynote event, Apple revealed Tuesday that their new MacBook Pro will be a refurbished Dell laptop they got off Craigslist for $500. “It has some scratches here and there, but the thing still runs just fine—you just have to be patient when it starts up,” said CEO Tim Cook, who heralded the all-new model as a bold new direction for the company, highlighting the notebook computer’s Ethernet port, CD drive, and Vampire Weekend bumper sticker as just a few of its cutting edge features. “We know the touchpad was unpopular, so you’ll be glad to know it’s been eliminated. We’ve also eliminated the webcam. As a bonus, the new MacBook Pro will come preloaded with Minesweeper, Windows Vista, and Microsoft Office 2007. Unfortunately, it does not come with a charger, but we estimate there’s still about two hours of battery life on there.” At press time, Cook added that the MacBook Pro would start at $1,999.
