In this edition of The Gift, we’re talking about what makes a good wedding gift — and debating whether or not it’s okay to go off-registry. Plus: what to give a grumpy roommate.
About a decade ago, my best friend got married. At the time we were in a long-distance friendship, and when I flew across the country to stand next to her at the wedding, I toted with me a very carefully wrapped stoneware pitcher and matching glass set in my carry-on. The set was beautiful: hand-thrown and glazed in a timeless but unique matte off-white. Many years later, we’re lucky enough to be back on the same coast. Most weeks I find myself pretty blissfully biking over for dinner at some point, where the pitcher sits amid us, her husband, and their two-year-old.
I won’t wade too far into the on- or off-registry debate. I’ll leave that to the professionals below. But what I will say is that regardless, a good wedding gift can be an opportunity to extend the point of the whole shebang: to serve as a reminder to the couple, in various chapters of their lives, of the love and support of their chosen family.
Over the years, I’ve gone both on and off the registry. If you can’t decide, I’m quite partial to the combo gift: I’ve written before about how my mom gives every couple an atlas (“It invites a focus on broader horizons,” she says) — often alongside something off their registry or a contribution to their honeymoon fund.
Or you can use the registry as a jumping-off point: Newsletters editor Isoke Samuel says that one of the most special gifts she received for her wedding was a set of champagne glasses — notably not the ones on her registry. The gifter’s parents had received a similar set, and they were the most special glasses in their home growing up. Isoke says, “I was touched by the chance to be included in someone else’s family tradition.”
Finally, if you choose to go on-registry for the big day, you can always supplement it by gifting something a little more personal for another celebration. For one of my friend’s bridal showers, I got her this multicolored catchall glass dish that’s so beloved by her and her wife, they’ve taken to affectionately calling it “their lady.” Or take a page out of gifts editor Hannah Morrill’s book: Her go-to present for any celebration is a set of these jewel-toned flutes, which she has dubbed the best gift for just about anyone.
And if you’re in the throes of your own late-20s-to-early-30s wedding circuit and just need to wrap up some cash in a gorgeous card and call it a day, well, permission granted to do that, too.
