Here’s the thing about Apple Jacks

I know no one asked, but I have leftover opinions from childhood.

Apple Jacks were invented in a food lab 60 years ago, and I still can’t wrap my mind around a cereal with an existence that’s based on a spicy cinnamon kick.

At least, I hope it was cinnamon because that cereal had some jalapeno bite to it. Who thought it was a good idea to make a “hot” cereal that resided in cold white whole milk, most likely from Borden’s? Some guy named Jerry pitched it and the CEO was like, “Make this happen.” And Elsie, sitting in the front chair. was like, “Moooooo.”

These are things that keep me up at night.

And whatever happened to Sizzl’ean? If you go to the grocery store there’s nothing but bacon. Turkey bacon, real bacon, pre-cooked bacon. You can even still find Steak-umms, which are not bacon, but that’s for another time.

No Sizzl’ean? I’m pretty sure I have that apostrophe in the right place, but, I loved that bacon as a kid. All meat, no fat. What the meat was made of, the world may never know, but I’m positive it contained 823 milligrams of sodium per slice.

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Then there was Tang.

Tang. What better way to defeat the Florida Orange Growers than develop a product (looking at you, NASA) that put the power of the spoon in the hands of children. Five spoons of powder in an 8-ounce glass? Yes! I didn’t make Tang in 1980. I made orange syrup that passed for an OJ substitute. With Apple Jacks. And Sizzl’ean.

And I’m still not sure that apostrophe is in the right place.