For most of my life, I didn’t believe in any kind of self-defense against the onslaught of summertime insects. Sure, some methods might work in your backyard, but they’re no match for the Ontario wilderness, where I worked as a canoe trip guide for eight years, or the woods of Quebec, where my family decamps each summer.
I’ve seen things you wouldn’t believe. In the depths of the Canadian woods, I could take a bath in pure DEET and still be swarmed by ravenous black flies, no-see-ums, and mosquitoes. Just about every bug repellent we tried — repellent coils, spatial diffusers, hypersonic machines, special wristbands — was easily overwhelmed by the sheer number of bugs flying about. Mostly, I grit my teeth and surrendered to the fact that I was in the dominion of the bugs and was gonna get bit.
Last summer, my wife and I steeled ourselves for peak bug-biting season. But to my surprise, my family had figured out the bug problem with the most inelegant, brute-force tool possible: The Executioner, an electric fly swatter that has cured my bug-defense skepticism.
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It cuts through swarms of mosquitoes and black flies with ease, making your next hike in the woods or your next outdoor meal during bug season a bit more pleasant.
The swatter looks like a metal-stringed tennis racket. To activate its electrical current, you press a button on the side of the handle. You can see where this is going: Bug meets strings, bug gets zapped.
For hunting one single bug, like any flyswatter, it isn’t super effective — you have to guess the insect’s flight path and hope to connect with it somewhere in the middle. But it shines when you’re faced with a swarm: Just hold the button and take a swing around yourself, and you’re sure to get at least one bug.
The mesh on the racket is fine enough to collect bugs of all sizes, so one swing by a seasoned Executioner can get you a deer fly, two mosquitoes, and four black flies — seven in one blow, like you’re the brave little tailor. You can easily knock your conquests off the strings and make your own miniature trophy room, the envy of all bug-addled folks near you. And compared with a regular fly swatter, the mess is minimal: no blood, no guts, all the glory.
In my family, the Executioner has become a much sought-after possession for any summertime outdoor activity. Because it’s so effective, wielding it is a highly esteemed badge of honor. My wife felt like she had entered into a new inner circle of the family when my dad handed her the Executioner before we ventured outside. As long as I stuck by my wife’s side, I knew I’d be protected in the haze of bugs by her new favorite tool; the next best thing to wielding the Executioner yourself is sitting by someone who is.
My family isn’t alone in coveting the Executioner; writer Alexander Aciman told me that over the past couple of summers, he and his brothers have fought over using the Executioner “the way we might have fought over possession of a single toy 30 years ago.” He, too, feels all-powerful when wielding it; while I might feel like the brave little tailor, Alexander feels more like Watchmen’s “Doctor Manhattan zapping things out of the sky.” (I am tired of this world — these flies.) Most of all, Alexander appreciates the Executioner’s “one-and-done” efficiency, which stops him and his family from “neck-breaking maneuvers” while frantically and repeatedly trying to swat an attacker.
Tolstoy once wrote that every happy family is alike; that’s definitely the case when they have an Executioner on their side.
The Executioner isn’t perfect; it’s just a simple solution for a simple problem. You can make an outdoor meal during black-fly season tolerable with some intermittent charged passes between bites. If you’re on a hike and end up in a swampy bit of forest, your group leader can clear the air of mosquitoes for those behind them. And if you want to hit a special fishing spot, you can extend your time by buzzing away some flies between casts.
Looks-wise, it’s about as pretty as its name implies, but at least a range of colorways and sizes are available. (My wife picked out a pink one.) It’s made out of a sturdy plastic, and mine has held up well over the course of a couple summers; I imagine hitting it against a wall or table might chip it with enough bashes, but the beauty of it is catching bugs mid-air and not having to thwap them. The device requires AA batteries (not included).
There’s also the risk of electrical shock. The electric current turns off instantly if you let go of the power button. Some models feature a safety switch, but it’s still possible to give yourself a little jolt with a mistimed touch. (If you’re morbidly curious like myself, you’ll do it on purpose — it’s not so bad.)
And if you abhor violence, well, a product called the Executioner is not for you. (Maybe the catch-and-release BugZooka is more your speed.) It’s at least better than those high-voltage bug zappers, which indiscriminately kill every flying invertebrate that comes near them — you can be a little more selective with the Executioner.
I loved the Executioner enough to get one of my own for home use back in New York, where the mosquitoes are tamer than those in the Canadian wilderness, but still bothersome. If I want to read, grill, or just lounge in my backyard, I’ll take it along. Compared with using it in the woods, it’s like cutting vegetables with a machete — overpowered for the job, but immensely satisfying.
And if some poor fly does make its way into my house, that bug doesn’t know that it’s just entered the Thunderdome. While other households in the city might fruitlessly chase flies with a rolled up magazine, in this apartment, a pink, sparkly Executioner reigns; abandon all hope, ye flies who enter here.
This article was edited by Katie Okamoto and Maxine Builder.
