When done correctly, anal play can be painless and pleasurable for people of any anatomy, gender, or sexual orientation.
People with vaginas may find that anal toys add an extra dimension of stimulation to both solo and partner play. People with penises may find that anal toys are great for stimulating the prostate, or P-spot, an erogenous zone similar to the G-spot.
Enjoying anal or prostate stimulation says nothing about an individual’s gender or sexual orientation. It simply means that they enjoy anal or prostate stimulation.
“There are three muscles in the anus, and then there’s the overlying skin. When these are trained properly, together, they can create the gateway to pleasure,” explained Dr. Evan Goldstein, a proctologist in New York who specializes in anal surgeries. (The company that Goldstein cofounded, Future Method, sells a variety of anal-care products. We did not test any of them as part of this review.)
The anal sphincters include both voluntary muscles (muscles that you can control, such as squeezing during Kegel exercises) and involuntary muscles, which you can train to relax with gentle stimulation. Beyond the anal canal is the rectum, the lower portion of the large intestine, which measures about 5 to 6 inches long with a sharp curve at the top where it turns into the sigmoid colon.
Goldstein emphasized the importance of slowly and gradually training the anal area to strengthen the delicate skin and help the rings of muscle learn to relax. In his book, Butt Seriously, he suggests a six-week protocol using anal dilators. “So many people think they can just go from nothing to something big,” he wrote in an email interview. “That can lead to significant anal injury, like tears (anal fissures) and dilated veins (hemorrhoids).”
Dr. Carlton Thomas, a gastroenterologist specializing in anal health, offers his own technique for helping to open and relax the anus. He calls it The Butt Clock: “If you think of your hole as a circle like a clock, the external sphincter is made out of skeletal muscle, the internal’s made of smooth muscle. You can’t control that internal sphincter with your brain, but you can with lateral pressure. If you gently insert your finger and press at over to 3 o’clock, and hold for about 15 to 30 seconds, repeat over at 9 o’clock and hold, go down to 6 and up to twelve, that tiny little circle starts opening up magically.” This practice can be done solo or as part of foreplay, he explained, using plenty of lubrication and deep slow breathing to help the body relax.
Adequate hydration and a fiber-rich diet can also help promote anal health in preparation for anal play by preventing constipation. Some people like to cut down on mess by doing a few quick rinses of their rectum with an enema bulb filled with lukewarm (not hot) water at least 30 minutes prior to anal play. Goldstein offers a guide to safer anal douching on his website. Thomas also recommends against eating for about an hour before play because of a bodily reaction called gastrocolic reflex: “When you eat, food hits your stomach and sends a signal to your rectum to empty, so you might have something happen if you do it too close to eating.”
Objects other than toys designed for anal use should never be inserted into the anus. Anal toys must have a flared base so they are not lost inside the body, and they must be used in tandem with lubricant to protect the delicate anal tissues, which are not self-lubricating. (Any type of lubricant works for anal play, but we like Boy Butter, which is available in both oil-based and water-based formulas.) Silicone and oil-based lubes are ideal for anal play because they stay slippery longer than water-based formulas, but you should not use silicone lube with silicone toys, and you should not use oil-based lube with condoms or mechanized toys.
Anal play should not hurt. Paying attention to your body’s pain signals is the best way to avoid injury. It is best to start with smaller toys (or a single finger) and work your way up. Go slowly; do not use numbing lubricants. If you are unable to insert a toy comfortably, you may need to try a smaller toy, try more lubricant and warmup, or take a break and try again another time.
Experts we interviewed said that it is highly unlikely that you will sustain an injury if you use adequate lubricant and an appropriately sized toy with a flared base. Former ER doctor Bessie McCann, who now works in an aesthetics clinic, explained that the majority of accidents occur when individuals penetrate themselves with an object that does not have a flared base, such as a dildo or vibrator not intended for anal use, and loses control of it, which is easy to do with slippery fingers.
McCann shared a few tips for how to select the safest possible anal toys:
- The base of the toy should be wider than the body of the toy. If the anal muscles have already dilated sufficiently to admit the width of the toy, there’s no guarantee that a toy without a wider base won’t slip inside the rectum.
- The base of a toy should sit flat relative to the stem, rather than tapering downward, as that could make it easier for the toy to slip inside.
In general, anchor-shaped or T-shaped bases may be safer and more comfortable than smaller, round ones.
In the highly unlikely event that you do lose a toy inside, don’t try to retrieve it yourself, McCann said. Seek immediate medical attention, as your attempts to retrieve the object might end up pushing it deeper into the body, increasing the likelihood of injury.
Delaying seeking medical care is “playing with your own life because at worst an anal foreign-body insertion can potentially be fatal,” said nurse Catina Ponticello, who emphasized that embarrassment is not a reason to avoid seeking care: “We all have our kinks, and the nurse taking care of you may like anal play just as much as you do.”
For more information about anal health and safety, we recommend Goldstein’s book Butt Seriously: The Definitive Guide to Anal Health, Pleasure, and Everything In Between, The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women by Tristan Taormino, and Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men, Women and Couples by Jack Morin.
